Letter To The Landlord

04.11.09

Dear Landlord,

I just wanted to thank you for coming home drunk and blasting your music for the third time this week.

I love that you turned it up extra loud last night and sang along. It was like my own little concert at 2:26 AM. I almost forgot how much I love laying in bed with my eyes open unable to sleep.

Please, don't worry about the walls vibrating or the fact that you kept my husband and I up until almost 4:00 AM. How were you to know that he's been working 9:00-9:00 shifts for 10 days straight?

Let's be crazy and do it again tonight! I mean, who doesn't want to get drunk everynight and come home, turn up the tunes and stomp around singing? And hey, let's do the Spanish music again tonight. Listening to you attempt to sing along in another language (that I would bet money you don't actually speak) while so drunk that you don't seem to care that I have four sleeping children under you was great fun.

Sincerely, Your Tenant

p.s. you still haven't fixed the drain downstairs so I can quit spending over $100 at the laundromat every month.

Also, the windows you were going to fix (or you were going to lower the rent), don't worry about it. Winter is almost over so our $446 monthly gas bills are almost done.

Now, let's turn on some Gaga and Kanye. Yes, silly, I know it's 9:10 AM and you had a long night but it will be fun. I feel like dancin'!